I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
