Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
