Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
