i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
