Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Randomize