My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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