Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Randomize
