drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
