I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My bed smells like the plague
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