I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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