Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
