He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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