A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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