You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize