So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
