in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
