how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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