I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
