What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
