we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
