Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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