I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
