chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
