I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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