Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
