Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
