Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
