I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
