Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize