Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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