So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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