You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
