I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
