I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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