Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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