Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
