I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
