I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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