So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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