I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
