well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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