i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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