Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
