is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
