Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
