dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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