the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
