She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
