Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
