Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
