Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
