I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
