Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel great
I just peed on a car
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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