Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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