If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
