My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
