can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
