So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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