I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
