I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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