i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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