He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
