I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
