That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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