Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
