FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
