VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just google imaged poop.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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