Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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