And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
