I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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