I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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