woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
