There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
