Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
