My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
