I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
