Having a random hookup so left but love u
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize