i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My nipple is on Facebook.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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