so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
