dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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