Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
