I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize