I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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