he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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