Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
