Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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