all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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