Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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