Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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