38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
