Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
