you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
