we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
