I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
