You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize