i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
