last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
