new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize