Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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