the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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