why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
