That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
