she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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