Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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