Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
