I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
