I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
