i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
