I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize