Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
