this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
