thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
