im drinking this country out of the recession.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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