mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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