dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize