I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
