I'm so fucking centered right now
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
